i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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