Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
