He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
