I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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