I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
