I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
