How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
