Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a burrito and a hug.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
