I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
