just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
