Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
