Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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