just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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