I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
