Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
