there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
