I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
