will power is for people who don't want to get laid
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
