Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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