dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
