It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
