DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
