So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
