obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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