I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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