I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
