Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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