Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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