so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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