i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
