my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
