Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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