And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
