also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We left the knife in your bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
