My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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