I bet he comes in French.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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