Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
