I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
