I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
