guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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