Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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