3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
