i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
