Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
