before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
