Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
