So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
