Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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