Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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