dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
