he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize