theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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