I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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