whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
