Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
