Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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