Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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