Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
