I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
