if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
