Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
