All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
