he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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