fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am spending my child support on dildos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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