It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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