its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
