I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
