If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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