Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
