Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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