UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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