At least make sure they are 18
Why
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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