I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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