Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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